This concept called an Inner Child has been a part of the world for a very long time. Carl Jung called it the "Divine Child" and Emmet Fox called it the "Wonder Child." Some psychotherapist call it the "True Self". And Charles Whitfield called it the "Child Within."
The Inner Child refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is our "Genuine Authentic Self", who we know deep within us, as our "Real Self."
With our parents not really knowing, they helped to create this Inner Child. Society also helped with the creation. And most of us deny that there even exists such a part of us. When this child self is not allowed to be heard, or even acknowledged as being real, a false or co-dependent self (ego) emerges. We begin to live our lives as victims. Then we have situations that arise in our lives in which we keep having unresolved emotional traumas. The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to chronic anxiety, fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness.
Denial of the Inner Child and the ego are particularly common among children and adults who grew up in troubled families. This is where chronic physical mental illness, rigidity, coldness or lack of nurturing is common. Yet, there is a way out. There is a way to discover and to heal our Inner Child and to break free of the bondage and suffering of our ego.
Not everyone was mistreated or abused as a child. No one really knows how many people have been loved and guided in healthy ways. Some have estimated 5 to 20 percent. This means that from 80 to 95 percent of the people did not receive guidance and love which is the way we know how to form healthy and loving relationships and to love ourselves.
There are dozens of ways you can connect with your Inner Children and help them to heal, feel loved and be happy. Children have a way of connecting with other children in a way that many adults don’t understand or know about. Sometimes just a glance or eye contact lets us know things that might take a thousand words to communicate.
There are ways to talk to the Inner Children. You can write a question to one or more of the Inner Children with the dominant hand and then allow the children to respond through the non-dominant hand. The art psychologist, Lucia Cappachione has written many books on this process of non-dominant handwriting or non-dominate artwork. Sometimes the answer does come in the form of a picture, rather than words. Please trust the process, it can be quite astounding. For many people, the Inner Child begins to say things that they have wanted to say forever. The "Wise Child" self speaks up and points out to you that as long as you stay in your left-brain, intellectual mode the Inner Children cannot penetrate the cold, unfeeling thoughts. When you start using your right brain, which isn’t used for writing, the child jumps in and expresses what it wants to say. The logical part of your brain is temporarily distracted allowing another kind of thought pattern to emerge.
Besides the Inner Child, we have many other selves that are trying to take control. We can't really hear the voices until we make an effort to do so. It is very important to tame the Inner Critic. That voice from the past often keeps beating up the Inner Children. This voice invades whatever trauma and pain there was in our childhoods. When using this inner dialogue technique the wise Nurturing Self can stand as a protector self for the Inner Children. It’s the job of the Nurturer to be loving and self-affirming. This part of us can also teach the Inner Critic a new job of support, instead to beating up the Child self, and can love the Inner Critic so that Child self can relax and not have to work so hard.
This is often where the internal battle begins. The Inner Critic has been keeping the Inner Children muffled and secluded. When the self starts to rebel and the Inner Children are finally released to be present to talk about their feelings, sometimes the Children selves lose control and play havoc with people's lives. So perhaps by reading this article you can begin to transform the Inner Critic to be a good internal parent, begin to listen the Inner Children and to allow them to have fun and be heard. It is also important to keep a balance in your life. The Inner Children need emotional and psychological limits.
I hope this article will support you toward a journey of profound healing. There are many books to assist you in doing more work on healing the Inner Child, as well as professional therapists. Now you can know new friends inside that have been longing to know you better for a long time. Remember the words "it is never to late to have a happy childhood."
Examples of some of the Children you might find inside are:
The Playful Child
That self that is naturally playful, creative, spontaneous and fun loving child. This self longs to play. Many of us have forgotten how to do this without guilt or anxiety that as adults we must be doing something that is worthwhile.
The Spoiled ChildThat part of us wants what they want and they want it now, and if they don’t get what they want, they throw temper tantrums.
The Neglected ChildThe child self that was always left alone without much nurturing and love. They don’t believe they are lovable or worthwhile. They don’t know how to love. They are depressed and want to cry.
The Abandoned ChildThis child self has been left in some way like divorce or adoption or just left because the parents were kept busy working. They are always fearful that they will be abandoned again and again. This part of the self is starving for extra attention and reassurance that they are safe and okay. This self is very lonely.
The Fearful Child
This part has been overly criticized when they were small. Now they are anxious and are in panic much of the time. They need lost of encouragement and positive affirmations.
The Unbonded ChildThis Inner Child never learns to be close to anyone. They are isolated. Intimacy feels alien and scary. Trust is a basic issue.
The Discounted ChildThis is a part of the self that was ignored and treated as though they did not exist. They don’t believe in themselves and need lots of love to assist and support them.
These are all possibilities of the different Inner Children that might be inside. There are many other selves as well. Perhaps the Ego self, or the self that hold shame, or the self the holds the information that was given to them by their parents or teachers or society as a whole.
Develop the ability to give yourself a profound healing experience. Together we can encourage your Inner Parent to cuddle your Inner Child when it is crying or needs to be heard. Soothe you Inner Child when he or she is under emotional stress. Use the awareness of the Inner Dialogues that are going on and become apart of the path you are on instead of being lead where you might not want to go. Ultimately you can heal and be a happy person in you life.
Peace to you on your journey to loving to yourself.
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